Letter Never Sent Tell me when to go.

When I got home from hanging out with Susan and Steve I decided I try to seriously sit down and draw, an activity that used to be very important in my life. As a kid drawing was my primary mode of expression. I even used it sometimes to help make sense of the world around me and to feel better about bad experiences. I remember once in middle school while I was waiting in line for the bus some kid threw a can of coke at me. As a completely unexpected and random violent act it really freaked me out. When I got home that day

I drew a picture of the situation except in my depiction of the event I blocked the can of coke with my notebook. As I got older I often drew to commemorate important events or to express my emotions and thoughts, a drawing of my parakeet that died or about various lovesick crushes. The older I got the less I drew and the more I wrote. If I drew a comic, 50-75% of it would be writing. Now I rarely draw at all, and because I’m no longer in school and I spend a lot of time on the computer I rarely even handle a pen or pencil.

Tonight I wanted to draw something. I wanted to experience the in-the-moment zen-ness you experience when making something. I wanted to experience the feeling of satisfaction and enjoyment at summoning something from the paper because when I draw I almost never know how or if anything will come out. I found my pens and markers. I felt a little like the retired gunslinger who has to dust off his six guns for one last job. I guess when I finished with them last, a few years ago, I had left the ink in so they were hopelessly gummed up. They’re currently soaking in windex so I can use them later.

After I found something else to draw with I just sat there for a few minutes. This feeling is probably the worst part about drawing. For me the starting point has always been the hardest because when I start to draw I use the initial momentum to continue. If I don’t like how I start I might just give up. Anyway, the point is I had fun and I drew something. Maybe I’ll try some more later when I get my pens working.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2003 at 2:31 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any comments to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.