This morning I dreamt I was walking in a dark cavernous grotto littered with classical columns and marble debris. The stone cavern walls and marble debris surrounding the grotto had a blood red glow to it, the light dappled by the water. The large lake in the center glowed like an illuminated swimming pool. If you looked into the water, you could see various tiny humanoid shapes swimming in the distant depths sillouetted against the glow coming from the bottom. I walked to the edge where a merman waited, his upper half raised out of the water with his fish half undulating in the water. He was more like Glaucus than a typical merman, in fact I called him something like Glaucon or Glauca. He talked about someone named J., Jay, or Jesus. While we were talking two scaley humanoid monsters sprang out of the water and tried to pull me under from the rocky shelf where I was kneeling. While I was fighting them off, I pulled a capsule out of nowhere and cracked it open then poured the contents over the monsters. It was something caustic like holy water or acid because it burned them and forced them to let go of me. It must have been scary because I woke up and told myself about the dream so I would have a memory of it later.
Personal
07
Oct 05
Grotto dreams
06
Oct 05
Document fraud
I currently work for a marketing company where we end up doing a lot of print and web production. We’re listed in the yellow pages, so we get phone calls from the public regularly. Today a woman called with an interesting request. She wanted to know if we could produce a university diploma and transcripts. Incredulous, I asked if she worked for the university in question, thinking maybe she meant some sort of design for a university’s diploma and printed collateral. She replied that she needed it for “novelty purposes”. Riiiiiiight. I said, “We don’t do stuff like that” then I hung up. I wish I had caller ID so I could publicly shame her. What a moron.
Every time someone applies for a job, their credentials should be checked thoroughly. I imagine that people fabricate and lie about this sort of thing all the time. We need to have more documentary proof in general because you cannot trust anyone when they tell you what they’ve done. Many people inflate their own experience and abilities and others just flat lie.
If I ever hire anyone I will want to see proof of work. I will call their employer, their references, and I will Google them. Then I will do a background check for good measure.
06
Oct 05
Rebellion and conspiracy
I finished “Foucault’s Pendulum” this morning. Something that resonated with me is the notion that the associative, connective impulse to see conspiracy all around has less to do with reality (what is that?) and more to do with an essential personal desire to blame something. It is a need to find causes rather than an attempt to accept or understand what is understandable. It’s difficult for me to explain, so I need to think about it more. Peppered throughout the book are quotations from all sorts of places like this one from Karl Popper:
“The conspiracy theory of society comes from abandoning God and then asking: ‘Who is in his place?”
It reminds me of when I first started blogging regularly in 2000 when I was around 22-23. I was very paranoid and obsessed about the various conspiracies threatening to turn the world into a black iron prison, figuratively speaking. It was an unhappy time mostly because of the sense of powerlessness and victimization. Powerlessness in the face of a desire for control and autonomy. I’ve realized that this was one of the growing pains in coming out of the last stages of my adolescence. For so long I defined myself in terms of negation, “I am A because A is the opposite of B and I don’t want to be B because I associate that with some sort of pain or injury”, but beyond that I had no idea who I was. In many ways, I am just now finding that out.
The above quotation makes sense if you think about it in another way. God can represent the child’s view of his parents, the inscrutable creators who are responsible for everything. As we mature, we have to necessarily abandon our parents (God) in order to become complete and whole individuals. Assassinated as powerful symbols our mothers and fathers regain their humanity. Everything that we blame them for has to be resolved because until then you cannot take on the responsibility for your own existence.
“Instead of killing and dying in order to produce the being that we are not, we have to live and let live in order to create what we are.” – Albert Camus
Are feelings of paranoia and rebelliousness related to unresolved emotions? After all, what is rebellion but the expression of negation? Where does the desire spring from? Rebellion is not the same as disinterest or disregard. Rebellion requires an idea or authority to push against. It cannot exist without it’s opponent.
04
Oct 05
Self-experimentation
Soon I will be a morning person. My goal is to start getting up at 5:30 in the morning every morning, including Saturday and Sunday. I did so for the last two days. It got a lot easier when I moved my alarm clock about ten feet from bed, so I would have to actually walk over and turn it around to shut it off. Last night, I went to bed about 10:30pm and when I got up I still felt sleepy. The first thing I did when I woke up was to eat a bowl of shredded wheat. Then I grabbed an apple out of the icebox and went for a walk. After I walked for an hour I came home and showered and dressed. Around 8am I succumbed to sleepiness and sank into an hour long torpor while fully dressed. I guess that means I need to go to bed earlier. Tonight, I will try to go to bed around 9:30pm to see if that helps. I’m sure the problem is that I had a sleep deficit from the previous day.
03
Oct 05
The importance of goals
For me, exercise is difficult to do mentally-speaking. It just seems like a lot of work for no instant result or gratification. When I see people running or biking down the street and it looks like a regular part of their life, I admire that. It doesn’t really matter why they do it. It’s the fact that they are doing it, that impresses me. One thing that helps is to set a simple goal. Normally, when I go walking or biking, I’ll tell myself I’m going to walk for a short while until I don’t feel like walking anymore. This is plainly the wrong way to do any sort of extended exercise because at some point you’re going to feel like you’ve had enough. Instead, try setting a good goal like I’m going to walk to the end of the road and back. Once you commit to this you’ll keep going even if you are tired. Last night, I did this and ended up taking a two hour walk, which was too long I think, but I did walk a lot longer than I would have normally.
28
Sep 05
Celebrating one year in business
I am proud to announce that my web hosting company, Duet Hosting, has been in business for over a year now. Since we have enjoyed a small amount of success (in other words, not losing money) I’ve decided to award some free stuff over the next week or so. Don’t miss out as it will probably be a first come, first serve deal.
Here’s a little cake I made in Illustrator. My first attempt at making anything. Hey, it’s not great, but it’s not bad either!
28
Sep 05
Dumpster Score
When I got home today I noticed someone left some choice junk near the dumpster. I left the patio table and coffee maker, but I did liberate the Sharp Twin Energy Power 1100 10 amp upright vacuum cleaner, which retails for around $200 surprisingly. I also snagged an Epson Stylus Photo 780 inkjet printer, which is probably worth less than the vacuum if it works. In addition to electronic junk, I carried off a wooden chair that has a studded leather seat. I may not keep it as I don’t need a chair, but maybe it will end up as craigslist fodder.
The vacuum did require some serious attention. The accessory hose leading to the bag compartment was completely clogged with carpet fiber, pet hair, and carpet deodorizer. It looked like someone forgot to empty the bag and it just backed up. That seems like a lame reason to throw it away. I kept trying to fish out the debris with a coat hanger then I got smart and pushed a broom handle through the hose to clear it out. It gave me something to do while watching that Bob Dylan documentary on PBS. Now I have two vacuums. This is how I collect a lot of junk. I live like a survivor of the Great Depression.
27
Sep 05
Typical Gawker Idiocy
A few of the Gawker Media blogs (I’m not linking to them), have implemented commenting by invitation-only. I wish they’d make their entire website invitation-only, so I wouldn’t click something and end up there. Here’s what they have to say:
2. Why are comments by invitation only?
Most online communities, like hip bars, are quickly overrun. Not that we’ll be any exception. But we’re going to try to put off that moment for as long as possible.
I wonder what prompted this decision. Hopefully, their traffic is moving on somewhere else, prompting them to take some steps to keep people coming back. After all, everyone likes to be heard. One good thing about blogs versus traditional media is that blogs seem to lack the longevity. It’s a very competitive environment out there where anyone can become a curator of links and Internet junk. That’s why I like sites like Digg and Metafilter. Unlike popular sites like BoingBoing and Gawker where the curators are perpetual self-promoters, the users curate the content and determine what shows up on the front page.
26
Sep 05
Getting the heck out of Dodge
I’ve been driving on a lot of long trips lately. I’ve learned to like it as long as I have some music or something to listen to. I prefer to drive at night when the darkness closes in around you, your world constrained to what lies between the stripes on the road. I enjoy stopping at new places along the way: strange fast food franchises, the liminal zones we call truck stops. I like being somewhere else in a few short hours. New surroundings, unfamiliar places.
Thursday night I was chatting with a friend I used to work with about a technical problem I was having and I decided to run to Sonic to get a cherry-limeade before they closed. When I got there at 11:30 they were already closed even though I was sure they weren’t supposed to close until midnight. Disappointed, I got a wild hair to get out of Austin and show up on Jody’s door step. This seemed an especially good idea given the large volume of people fleeing the hurricane who were clogging up the highways. I reasoned that it would be a lot easier to get out when fewer people would be awake and driving. I ran home, threw some clothes into a bag and split. I stopped by work to take care of a few things I wouldn’t be able to do Friday since I’d be gone. By the time I left Austin it was almost one in the morning.
When I hit Waco around two, the traffic got heavy, I guess from all the people headed to Dallas and away from the hurricane. It was weird to see so much traffic so late at night.
By the time I got to downtown Dallas, it was four in the morning. Too early to call Jody and wake her up, so I went to Denny’s and read my book, Foucault’s Pendulum (highly recommended!) for a few hours. It was great reading about the templars and various crusaders so soon after finishing the unabridged audiobook series on Saladin. FP is an amazing book, one that I wish could go on forever. It occurred to me in Dallas, that Austin is very, very different. A veritable oasis of youthful insularity and ease. For one thing, Austin is very white. I remember having this same realization when I moved to Austin ten years ago from San Antonio. I would be curious about Austin’s racial demographics. It may be the case that Austin is just incredibly segregated. At any rate, one of the first things I noticed when I hit Dallas.